Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Still Here


I'm still here.  Things have been busy lately with the close of the school year and the start of the summer.  I'm also planning my upcoming trips, one week to Houston for scans and the following week to Mexico City for research.  It's exciting, but overwhelming at the same time.

With only a couple of weeks before I head to Houston to be scanned, my thoughts turn to the carcinoid.  At this appointment, I'll have my second Octreotide scan as well as a CT scan and will see my thoracic surgeonradiation oncologist, and my carcinoid specialist.  Things are always strange for me before scans.  I never expect for anything new to show up, nor do I ever think that they'll be completely clear, but those thoughts are always in the back of my mind somehow.  The fear that the tumor will have progressed is never going to subside, but I keep that fear in check as I go through my daily life.  

I think that this time around my focus has been more on planning the trip to Mexico City than on the follow up visit to Houston, so I haven't had as much "scanxiety" as before.  I truly don't know what to expect.  I worry this time that I'll be disappointed if it remains stable and hasn't decreased in size, but at the same time, that is a far better scenario than the alternative.  I just hope for the best and to be granted another 6 months of normal life before my next round of check ups.


  1. When you get back from Houston, we need to plan something big! Not sure what, but it'll be big! Or maybe we'll wait until after you get back from Mexico City. Either way, it'll be big!

    I know it must be such an anxious time for you, but try to keep positive. Go to Crave and eat a cupcake. Go to the Rothko Chapel and meditate. Enjoy being in a familiar yet new place for a while, and make the scans and appointments secondary.

  2. Hi Stephanie,

    I am so sorry about your "scanxiety" (GREAT word) but have every faith things will turn out fine. You have been such an amazing support and amazing friend. I am lucky to have you in my corner - and hope you know I'm in yours! Also, I joined the carcinoid message board on ACOR - and have gotten a lot of answers to my questions that Sloan-Kettering couldn't give. You should definitely join!! It's a little tricky... so let me know if you need any help.
    Keep me posted,
    much love,

  3. Juile - I will definitely spend my non-scan and appointment time here in Houston doing something fun. I hear that there's a Titian exhibit at the MFAH, and I just might be tempted to go.

    Marlena - Thank you! I am glad we are able to be there for one another via our blogs! I actually have been on ACOR, but not in some time. There's a specific group I follow (that I was directed to through the ACOR message boards) for Lung Carcinoids.